Love in a mist

I asked (forced) her to send me a copy of what she shared.  Whether you have experienced pregnancy loss, or simply trials in your life I can assure you that you will be blessed beyond measure by the sentiments that poured from Alicia's heart.

At the time I wrote this letter I had just passed the due date of my second pregnancy.  It was a very dark time for me and I was really struggling with how God fits into our losses.  A good friend invited me on a trip to Washington D.C.  and I agreed to go thinking it could possibly provide an escape from my depression.  At that point, I was almost certain that I would never fully smile again.  I took a book called Traveling Light that addresses the burden of grief.  I so wanted to escape from the pain, but somehow also wanted to hold it close.  It seemed the closest thing that I may ever get to having a baby.  During that time I read an excerpt from a different book written by a woman who had also suffered through many miscarriages that really caught my attention.  She spoke of a pottery class that she had taken in efforts to distract herself and how at one point she recognized that the constant drip of water that hits the clay is what makes it moldable.  She explained that if we pray for Christ to shape us to be more like Him, then we can't put conditions on how He drips into our lives.  This was the first time that I accepted that although I will never understand why I had to lose the babies, that God was still dripping into my life... molding me somehow.  During that trip we went on a walk through a museum garden and I was taken with this bush.  It was remarkably weedy, but had these beautiful light blue flowers in the middle of the stalks.  For some reason it painted a picture for me that I held on to for the next two years... that something beautiful can come out of something ugly.  Over time I came to a new satisfaction in Christ... and now we have our little girls, a daily reminder of that promise and how God is working in the ugly storms of life.